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eludible:

Being told I have the best taste in music is like the best compliment you could give me

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  • cashier at Panera: would you like apples or chips
  • me: yes
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  • Friend: So what did you do last night?
  • Me: OMG I slept with my boyfriend!
  • Friend: WHAT!? You have a boyfriend!? Who is it?
  • Me: My bed.
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upgraders:

It’s weird that pirates would go from shore to shore looking for buried treasure when the real treasure was in the friendships they were making

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drinklust:

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”

(Source: drinklust)

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catswithbenefits:

i dont want a job i just want paychecks

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sadstagram:

which is messier my life or my hair

(Source: alterlos)

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passion:

started from the bottom and i was somehow able to get lower

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crystuls:

perks of dating me: u will be the hot one

THEME